General malaise

Sitting in front of a computer all day does dangerous things to the soul.

I have too much time to think. To read about people more interesting than me doing more than I could possibly comprehend attempting. To seethe about people who call with innane questions, unrealistic expectations, and redneck accents (I apologize my Southern birthplace, but sometimes I hate the way you speak). To wallow in self-absorption wondering what (if anything) is going to happen next. Or even worse, fearing that nothing is going to happen next. That my 8-5 will constantly be a coffee cup, a desk, a window.

Could this be adulthood? Just accepting? Oh I don't know if I'm ready for that.
But realistically maybe I am. I mean, I've never been much of a striver. Is that even a word? It feels very Sinclair Lewis, Newsies, wiping the coal dust off my face, moving up from the mailroom. Ish. I just don't know if this itchy disappointment is natural to me or just something I think I should feel. Am I really a self-starter? Is that even a word?

Things I can self-start-
1. Really good at waking up in the morning (almost never accidentally oversleep)
2. Reading books

So it's a really short list.

Guess I'll just get little bits of joy where I've always gotten them.
Sweet friends, good talks over coffee, the little possibilities of spring.

When I went outside this morning it was bright and cool. Reminds me how nighttime can feel so cold and vulnerable but the sun is such a comfort. Amen.