Tuesday, March 25, 2008

McSweeney's lists

Text Messages That Would Have Been Helpful.
By Jen Statsky

yo Abe, r u still going 2 the theatr 2nite? hve a weird feeling bout it, y dont u and mary cum by here instead? dont wnt 2 talk about slavery all nite tho, its my weekend 2 u kno? txt me back

hey just wnted 2 give the heads up, CC on way w 3 shps, want 2 colonize u. dont giv n unless u think casinos r gr8. txt me back

hey u, horse = greeks. dont let in. did i leave my toga @ ur place? txt me back

wut up Romeo, its ur boy the friar. gave ur girl sum shit, not dead. mayb u could giv it 2 her in her sleep tho lol. brunch tomoro? txt me back

british r cuming, british r cuming, british r cuming. dont feel like goin out 2nite but txt me back 2 let me kno u got this

Increasingly Dangerous Cheeses
by Lucas Klass


Sharp Cheddar
Extra-sharp Cheddar
Jagged Havarti
Ignorant Emmental
Surly Roquefort
Wayward feta
Infectious Gorgonzola
Belligerent Gouda
Felonious Swiss
Recidivist Brie
Knife-wielding pepper jack
Knife-wielding-zombie pepper jack
Explosive Camembert
American
Army-of-mutant-tiger-spiders Asiago
Nuclear-brinksmanship Provolone
Gargantuan-asteroid-on-a-direct-course-for-Earth Jarlsberg
Fist-of-God Colby
Nacho

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